Cinderella

"One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday..."

("One Day I'll Fly Away" performed by Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge.)

It's odd how Life works, I seem not to understand it.
Today I cannot quite decide between two very different thoughts:

One, how annoying, difficult, and agitatingly pointless Human existence is.
It depresses and screams to be noticed.
When it is, it leaves but that difficult stain.
A stain, like red wine spilled on a glowing, white carpet, tearing through each bloody seam.
Oddly, only the scar remains, a pink, nervous piece of the past.

Two, where the rays of the sun break through the cloudy skies and emerge blissfully, serenely giving us but a glimpse of the heavens.
Where the single dove screens these skies, soaring towards the better world down South.
Whilst it soars, landing carelessly on the branches of that hollowing tree, it's willows leaving enough space for children to hide and play.
The playful yelling, swinging, and sound of little feet, leaves only that lingering, glistening smile on their Mother's lips...
Heaven.


In reference to the words from Moulin Rouge,
which I believe is possibly the most relevant part of this entry,
the past somehow never leaves us.

As I sit here today, enveloped in my disgusting, self-indulging thoughts, I notice that pattern. I have never gotten past certain matters in my life.
My boyfriend, my darling, asked me a question. Jokingly, smiling, laughing. It hit me horribly.
I discovered that even though, for a single moment, I felt myself relieved a year ago, felt like my secret, shared and discussed, left even unjudged, had been cleared and forgiven. It meant I was free.
I'm not.
My past lingers, regardless of how much was truly my fault.
It keeps following me, resenting my will to eliminate it, crying to be noticed, similarly to that human parasite above.

Secrets.
Everyone has them.
I don't quite think I can share them again.
I hate myself for them, regardless of all my blatant arrogance.

Cinderella will always remain a servant at heart.